Beautiful You

I haven't made it a secret that I've struggled with my weight and self acceptance for most of my life.  In fact I've read books about it, and dieted. Only to find that once I lost weight I was still dissatisfied with my appearance.

I was at work today doing my 'thing', and I was plugged into my ipod when a song my Jonny Diaz called "Beautiful You" came on.  I've heard this song many times, and I like it very much.  For some reason listening to it today something came over me ... all that I've preached made a dent in my own mind set.

Since re-starting Weight Watchers last week, and as I've inched closer to my first official weigh in coming up on Wednesday I've already contemplated not going back. It's hard.  The first time around the points system was different; I made it a goal to find all the low point foods and eat them, even if that meant it wasn't good for me.  I ate mostly processed foods.  Now that they have changed ... it's not that easy.  My mind wants to eat low point foods, and I don't think about the fact that you have more daily points.  Eating fruits and veggies all day every day won't work for me, and I have a serious love affair with chocolate.  I have already had to look outside the box for creative and tasty things to eat that are healthy and within my point allowance.

As I was again thinking about quitting; the song I mentioned above came on, and something happened.  As a Christian, I of course believe with all my heart that it was the Holy Spirit working within me working through music telling me ... "You're ok!  It's ok!  Be a good woman, love others, give your heart, your love and your smile - all the things I gave you, and use them for good!  The rest is trivial!  Loose weight to be healthy - to take care of the temple I gave you, but please stop torturing your heart!"

I just about cried at my desk in front of the four men I work with.  A weight was lifted.  My weight only matters for my health.  You see, I grew up believing that my appearance would afford me pleasures in life.  Maybe it does, but are those the things I really want??  No.  Those are things, lifestyles and in many cases lies.  I want what is real -

My heart feels a little lighter tonight; even though I still wear a size 14, I feel lighter.  Relieved.  Beautiful.

Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn't straight her body isn't fake
And she's always felt overweight

Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are

[Chorus]
There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty-one the things that you've already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you've got a man but he's got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead

Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true
And he'll treat you like the jewel you are

[chorus]

So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who's strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl
[chorus]